Rascals In The Area
Eddie first met Danny, Baz and johnny in the most unusual place you could imagine, the Lancashire Fruit cake factory, one cold winters night. The most unusual aspect of this meeting was that they were all robbing the place the same night but not together. Eddie and his mates Steve (Lionel Ritchie) Jones and (Loads of balls) Billy Wright, decided that tonight they were gonna do this gaff. They have been mates since primary school and were always as thick as thieves. They were all from the same part of manchester called Shortsight, which is bang in the middle, and they all went to and were expelled from the same comprehensive. All they had to look forward to was the dole or some silly YOP scheme. Over the years they had done littlet bits and bobs but nothing serious.
-Eddie turn that music down you know i'm on nights and go out and find yourself a job you idle tosser, if you think me and your mother are supporting you now that you been expelled from school your so wrong, says dad angrily.
-Alright dad calm down before your wig falls off, i'm off out in a minute. You know there's a recession on, as he fastens the last button on his Levi's. while dancing to the Jams Eton rifles. He finishes packing his Adidas bag for the gym and puts on his new trainers, a pair of Blue suede Adidas Bermuda. He takes one last look in the mirror to makes sure everything coordinates then he's off out. -Right dad i'm off to the gym, see you in the morning.
-Eddie don't slam the.....before he has chance to finish his sentence the door slams shut.
Eddie decides to call for Steve on the way; he only lives down the street. On the way he bumps into the local nuisance Mr McGregor a retired pensioner who still thinks he's in the army. -You on your way to the jobcentre Eddie? In his thick scottish brogue reminiscent of the prison warder in porridge. Eddie ignores him as if shit not to be stepped in. -Thats the problem with you young lads today; you have no manners or respect for your elders. In my day, you would be doing national services too incorporate some structure in your sad little life.
-Did you find out who broke into your shed and stole your beloved flymo Mr McGregor? sniggering to himself.
-If i find out you and your cronies were involved in breaking into my garden shed, i will be straight to the local constabulary.
-Local constabulary, what do you think this is Dixon of Dock Green, you sad pathetic man. Shaking his head and laughing to himself.
Eddie gets to Steves house and rather than knock on the door he just whistles up to his bedroom, guaranteed he will be in there tanning weed as ever. -Now then Eddie boy where you off to, as this charged faced, with Red eyes appears behind the net curtains, nodding his head to the Specials.
-I'm off to the gym to get some excercise and get out of my dads hair. he's on nights you know what he's like. By the way if your not too stoned later and want to share your precense, i want to do that job tonight, we've been putting it off for ages.
-Yeah no drama, give us a shout later Eddie i'm definately up for that caper tonight, do you want me to tell Billy or will he be at the gym? running his fingers through his Lional perm.
-No your sweet mate, he's meeting me at the gym were gonna do a few rounds on the bag, as he suddenly notices the neigbours curtains twitching.
-I see Lizzie Snitch is alive and well then Stevie.
-Tell me about it Eddie, she needs too get a fucking life the mug.
-I don't think it's a life she needs Stevie, i think she want's what's between your legs. You know how much she likes the mixed race guys, especially when they look like Lional Ritchie. Give her your rendition of HELLO, as Eddie creases up laughing.
-Your bang out of order Eddie, she's not my type the sad old cow, she looks like popeye on a bad day. taking a never ending drag on his spliff.
-I'm only winding you up Stevie, see you later on matey.
-Alright Eddie, as he sings dancing on the ceiling at the top of his voice.
As Eddie walks away from Steves house he suddenly notices that he has scuffed his new trainers,-Fuck sake, while spitting on his fingers to wipe the suede. He's so conscious of his trainers that he forgets all About Mike the fuckin hugh German Shepard that jumps at the fence every time you walk past, -The bastard nearly had my head off, he says to himself, while his arse is twitching like there's no tomorrow. -One of the days i'm gonna shoot my air rifle at you, while the dog acts satisfied like Butch out of Tom and Jerry.
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