Report transcript in: Making positive life changes during Covid-19

Please Report the Errrors?

going to

OK, so why can't?

Yeah,

so we're recording.

So just to confirm that I've filled the consent form just now on your behalf.

Yeah, that's right. Yeah.

OK, so

not much changed from normal.

Um, except I'm just gonna ask a few questions as and as and when.

So can you tell me about how you found living in the time of covid from the start?

Really?

Well, at the moment at first when I started covid, uh, I didn't really

I didn't actually realise how bad it was, so I suppose more like everybody else.

But slowly,

as you were watching news and you you were starting to hear the hospitals filling up

and they were on news constantly,

I thought, Oh, it's quite bad is this?

But I knew there was something really bad happening,

but I just didn't really understand it.

And then, uh,

I think what that alarms bell ringing was

I've got a friend that lives on road

and she came to see me and she went Do you know what's happening, Phil?

I'm scared and I give her loads of food. I give her loads of dried food.

I thought Oh, that'd be fair enough.

And then it just went dead.

And then because I were on, uh,

like,

I had a few friends and they were texting me, and they'd gone into Halifax.

It looks like a ghost town. Every everywhere is more or less shut.

And I thought, all right, so I walked on to the shop, but the shop was open,

so I didn't really take much notice,

but would be,

how can I put it?

We're going to the basement as well. Basement project in Halifax. And, uh,

they said the basement might be shutting down because of this covid outbreak.

But we're just gonna

We're gonna see what happens in a few weeks.

So I kept going to the basement project,

and, uh,

and they were just sat there one day, and I said, Right after this,

it's closing until further notice.

So a

But the reason why I go to the basement is because I'm a recovering alcoholic, and,

uh,

I go there for support, like we spoke before. And I was doing really well, you know,

I'd stop the drinking and everything,

but I thought right, I've stopped drinking it.

I've got this I can do this and watching updates on news. But as the as time went on,

I thought,

It's not gonna come out. It's not. It's not gonna end

as quick as I thought it would.

And I thought I've got this, but I I didn't,

so I thought, Oh,

sorry, I'll have a drink. Nobody will know.

And then before I knew it, I went back to the beginning with my alcoholism. So

I started getting into a bit of

a a poor drinking pattern,

and, uh,

I didn't realise how bad that was.

And I I did try and get in touch with basement,

and it was shut

felt isolated because they were all being out

and and that were it.

Hm.

Um,

I found it quite difficult.

I found it. Really?

A few friends came, but

they weren't in my bubble, so

that that disappeared

and, uh,

found it quite

hard,

but I won't. Then I won't really bother because we were drinking and I've gone back to

square one basically.

But then

I found it. Oh, how can you put it?

I suppose we say about as everybody else.

And, uh,

the basement did open in like September

and I got my name down, but they phoned me up and said, Phil,

do you want to come back to the basement?

But I were drunk and I didn't remember.

So eventually

I had to get my act together,

and I did eventually start going back to base

and

everybody else started going back to the desk at the same time. But

you have to have your name put down on a list

and, uh,

were quite bonkers, really. But

it scared me and it struggled.

But being isolated, I did have a couple of friends that helped me out,

but they had to be in my support bubble

and, uh, obviously living on my own. I was just in a bubble on my own,

and it would just try to find

how to do things, learning a different

living. But there again,

this is what made me laugh because I thought I stopped drinking

and then going to a certain meeting at the basement,

they said, How are you coping with isolation, fella, I says, Well,

I'm not not doing too bad at the moment, but I'm struggling

because I wasn't drinking and because you've

got when you're when you're an alcoholic,

you tend to isolate anywhere.

But if you got your little friend, the boos were.

But when I've not had my boos

and they were isolated, I I started to struggle,

so I'd start finding different things to do

to fill the gap of the alcohol.

So I just set myself little tasks through the day, like

washing my clothes for a start

or doing a bit of ironing, just setting, setting myself a little

to do. But this were earlier on last year. Last year.

See, that's another thing as well. You lose track of time.

I didn't even know it were Wednesday today because every day is like ground up day,

but finding different stuff to do.

But

to be honest, I've been five months sober now, Like I I've spoke to it before,

and I've had to fill the gaps in from the alcohol

because alcohol was a big issue

in the lockdown for me and I I you know, it's, uh,

found it

definitely hard to break those chains that were rolled in me back and down,

and, uh,

I did suffer with a lot of illness before, like I I I had I got

to go and I didn't actually understand why we were falling over all the time

and losing my balance.

And then I had a few hospital appointments

previously before the covid outbreak, and they all got cancelled.

So when it

I thought, Oh, God, what am I gonna do now?

So I just had to wait, and it was just a waiting game then.

But eventually

I did get a few appointments, even when I had to go for my MRI scan.

But I didn't realise that I had claustrophobia, so I couldn't go in.

the only appointment that I had then was to go for an MRI scan,

and I couldn't get in the machine because I I didn't like being trapped inside it.

So they had to send me They had to make another appointment to go to hospital,

and they decided to put me in feet first

because I couldn't get my head in.

I had to, uh, wait for another appointment to go to Wooder

Field because you're going in feet first in that one.

And, uh,

I did that.

That's where I found out I had kidney stones and the gall stone and thought right.

OK, leave it like that.

And then, uh

hey,

it would have been It would just

It was just a different way of living, I suppose,

And, uh,

did struggle, But I I

I've met some really good friends in, uh, lockdown.

And, uh,

I've been helped by one of my best friends, and

she showed me how to do zoom and stuff like that. And then

everything sort of changed in the last five or six months,

and it was for the best. So I could, like, use zoom on my phone.

And then,

uh, I got a woman called Nila.

I don't know her last day and got in touch with me and that were maybe 67 months ago.

And then I started receiving the help that I needed because

I suffer from vertigo. I kept losing my balance,

and, uh, I couldn't get in.

I couldn't get in the bath. I got arthritis in my shoulder, so I couldn't get out.

And, uh,

I did explain this to a care worker, and she helped me with, uh,

getting grab rails and put a seat in my bath.

So I could get a shower,

so that were good.

But I I

learned

because I've been isolated and not a lot of people knew that I were here on my own,

so I had to be more cautious.

I thought, Well, if I fall, knock myself out

and

die, basically

nobody will know about that. I'm here.

So this is where the care workers started coming into play.

But I can't really fault the NHS or the care work system

because I knew that I really needed the help because I I were vulnerable on my own.

alarms Bell would ring in there

and it was just like I need to connect with people because

I didn't want to withdraw it to myself.

And now it's been going on.

Oh,

is it a year now? Isn't it

just

isn't It's been going on for a year now,

and it's like the different ways of coping mechanisms because my kids said, Oh,

we'll bring your shopping up and then being

being once I think or twice

and it's like right OK,

but

I've got to be self sufficient.

It's like

there's no one gonna

apart from a couple of friends

or one friend. There's nobody else that actually comes to me out.

And uh

oh, my landlord comes

two weeks

and I thought, I've got to do something about this

So I did start connecting more. And then when the basement opened,

I actually did Colt

and

reduced my alcohol and started going back to the basement because I thought,

If I end up like this, I you know I'm just gonna be destroy myself and it's

it's so easy to do.

It's quite sad, really. But it is

because the

oh can I

call

It's, uh,

it's a struggle.

Every day is a struggle because it's like Groundhog Day.

It's like trying to do different things that you're interested in.

And it it's quite hard to find stuff that

you're interested in because you can get bored,

right?

But I learn a lot of stuff from, uh, the A A Cos I go to Alcoholics Anonymous.

It's like, say, I'm an alcoholic and it's like filling that void

where I've got to put the alcohol down and find something else to do.

It's quite hard. It's like being restarted. But now I've been so bad.

Five months and two weeks, I think.

And, uh, I'm trying to find other interests to do.

So what? What kind of what kind of things have you have?

You looked at film sort of interest wise.

Oh,

I like gardening now. It's been a long winter, and I do like tey

photographs. You know, I've shown you some pictures that I do take,

but

the hardest thing I've found to do is suffer from really bad depression. So

that hasn't helped

that UN helped me at all.

But putting the alcohol down The worst thing

about recovery is you get your feelings back

and, uh,

the best thing about recovery is you get your feelings back

and it's, uh,

try to, uh, I just got a message on my phone.

It's trying to

find something to do that you enjoy doing.

It's like hobbies, but I'm not right good with tech,

and I'm not right good with the video games.

I've got a PlayStation, but it's like 30 year old and I still can't do it.

So that's no good.

Uh, I enjoy going to the basement and talking to the same people.

I do like reading, but

I forget what I've read the first chapter.

So if I read some of it, you know, it's got to be really great

to lose interest in it.

I suppose it

like,

I think, birds.

I've been taking photographs at birds and I've got a squirrel that comes in garden,

and, uh,

it's just finding stuff to do that I enjoy doing.

I don't like cooking. I'm the world's worst cook.

Plus, I can't stand at cooking in a long time. And if I go into

if I do something in the kitchen

and then come into the living room, I forgot I've left cooker on,

which can be quite dangerous.

I tend to, uh,

use a lot of boiling water like, you know, smash

and just use raw ingredients.

And they say a lot of people did, like recommend ready meals,

which is all good

and fair. But

the fat me

and with me being at home

and if I get fatter, I've already

had gastritis, which I thought I were having a heart attack,

which wasn't very pleasant,

and that's, uh,

that were really bad. So I had to change my diet, which I did cut a lot of fat out.

But I've got to be careful as well because I've got deep vein thrombosis in my leg.

So that's another thing I have to be careful of.

But

it's

I keep.

I don't

try and project too far, either Keep it in the hour or just keep it in the day

and just find little challenges to do, I suppose.

Yeah, I set myself Little challenges like to, uh, get up in the morning, come down,

make a cup of coffee,

watch telly come round a bit, take medication, and then I'll just, like,

find little.

Just find little things to do in house

because it's only me

and, uh, just keep it tighter.

But the more

it's just finding little things to do, it's like I can go out on the bus

and go to basement now. But before

I actually well, it nearly killed me.

Uh,

the depression, the alcoholism

and some one man just had, like, a wake up call

because my life would just get in out of Andy

alcoholism and I had to give in and say my life would become more manageable,

but then

and just put the alcohol down.

It would either that or die from alcohol. So

how hard was it was it for you to do in terms of?

Because I know it was like a big part of your life. What was it like when you

when you stopped because you said you wouldn't kill turkey?

Oh, God, it was.

You get into a situation with alcoholism, and, uh,

if nothing changes, nothing changes. So I could, like, get up and drink

alcohol all day. Basically,

when you put put the alcohol down, you start to get withdrawals,

and then you get the shakes, you get the sweats.

It's very, very uncomfortable. And you start being sick,

dry, wrenching.

Uh,

I knew this was going to happen, but in a way I sort of embraced it,

and I had to enjoy the fact

that

I was gonna try and turn a corner,

and it was really painful. And, uh,

I knew we had to do it because it were either that or die.

And somebody I I told my friends

I won't mention the friends on this, but they were good friends, and I thought

they're gonna They're gonna come to my house one day,

and they're just gonna find me because they'll realise

I'm not ringing them or phoning them up.

And, uh,

I stopped eating. My clothes were hanging off there or

my jeans kept coming down because I wasn't eating properly.

It's a new learning process. So in a way,

uh,

I enjoyed it in a way because now when I look back,

I think I don't want to get like that again and feel those

feelings of her resentment, depression, anxiety, panicking.

And that's why I really needed to start getting connected and going back to the A A.

Because I went to the A a once and did the 12 steps, but I didn't really understand it.

But now I understand it, Mum,

I suppose

the question before what do I do when

I don't have not to do? I think I do

start thinking about the things that I'm grateful for

because being poorly having the withdrawals, it can actually kill you.

But I did get suicidal anyway, so I wasn't right bothered.

I thought I was more bothered about the people that had fired me if I did die.

I know that's how dark it takes you.

within the five months of my recovery.

I'm actually more grateful for what's going on around there.

And even though I have got,

uh, illnesses that won't go away, I'm more aware of her

and it's like You've got to make

You can't do everything in one go. I've noticed. So you've got to take things.

Each thing that comes in its time. It's like this interview

and we're thinking about it constantly all night and all this morning.

What are we gonna say?

It's self maintenance that I've got to be aware of. Make sure I eat

or if I start struggling to eat, whereas before I didn't eat at all,

so I'd start learning how to eat again.

I know it sounds tough, but when you're coming off alcohol, you don't eat.

And it the process. I knew the process of being in hospital. Before

you start eating a little bit, you know,

it's like you've got to force yourself to eat.

So I thought, Well, I'll have a cup of soup.

And if it takes me four hours to eat a cup of soup,

I'll just have a cup of soup in that four

hours and then you've got it started from scratch again.

You've got to learn to look after yourself. Start washing and shaving.

I couldn't even I were that bad.

I couldn't even hold a razor and never shave properly. Smell shaking that bad.

But I thought, Well, if I ever wash

and not shave today,

you know I'll just do my best.

And it was like being reborn again. It was a whole new

learning curve.

So I started reading the, uh, a year book

and got back in touch with my sponsor sponsor. And, uh, he helped me Tremendously

extinct.

Being in lockdown and suffering from alcoholism and finding out new things to do

is, uh,

it's been my learning curve. So

I suppose, yeah, finding stuff to do

in lockdown is finding out who I really am and

getting rid of the alcoholism, which is a bigger task in itself because

being isolated and being on your own

it's actually quite easier

because I've got no no

dangerous people and dangerous places to go

where,

uh, what I call a dangerous person is Phil, Can I come to your house? We'll have a few.

Yeah, OK, I've had to get rid of them.

You know, there's no drinking in my house whatsoever.

So I had to lose a few people that drink

or not let him in the house because of covid, which is a good thing, really.

So, no, you can't come to the house because of covid.

So in in some ways, it's worked in a favour,

but yeah, it's the isolation as well.

So how

can I?

Sorry.

Can I Can I just ask, um I'm just aware that,

um we've got sort of five minutes left on zoom.

Unfortunately,

Um oh,

all right.

Yeah, it's, um it's a 45 minute uh, thing.

Um OK,

but, uh, how do you feel now? Because you've overcome a lot over the last year or so.

What

I The way I feel now,

even though it's also from depression,

I'm happy with myself to have five months, five months or greater,

and I've had my covid jab as well, which is quite rewarding. But

I've met some really nice people and the services that I've got

it's like I can't fault them.

They helped me through a dark patch and because I told them about my alcoholism,

which I'd be had to be open and honest.

It has helped a lot.

in a way,

I crashed. I crashed into Covid,

thinking I'd got it, got it all sorted,

been on my own and realised that I hadn't got everything

gone through the alcohol in bit

alcoholism bit

and realised it's gonna kill me.

And yet I've come out of covid

five months sober, and I think I'm doing really, really well with myself.

Uh,

but the help I've got

I haven't really been isolated

because without you guys I've been, I got I get a phone call off Nick.

She kept in touch with me and she's helped me.

And then you, Craig,

you've really helped me.

And then and

and because I've had the services, it's like being having stepping stones,

you know, one day, two day, or we'll call you on Friday.

Or Craig will call me Thursday,

uh, Tuesday,

and it's like stepping stones every day. So with them stepping stones in like

cutting the alcohol down, it's like being reborn again and like, yeah, OK,

through covid, I've beaten the alcoholism. Um,

I've had to address things that I wouldn't normally address,

And

even though my arthritis won't go away,

or my deep vein thrombosis won't go away or my lung disease won't go away.

I've got one alcohol. I've got rid of one disease that would have killed me.

And that's alcoholism.

And I've had to learn to live with myself.

And, uh, I'm quite happy because I'm actually I'm not a bad person. I'm a good person.

I'm just being trapped.

You know, I don't I like helping people. But

I could try and help them and give them suggestions, because the suggestions that I

took on,

they've helped me

because one thing made me laugh.

You know, somebody say, Oh, have you Have you tried this? But oh, no, I won't do it.

It won't work for me. Have you tried it? Well, no, not yet.

You know, it's

I've tried the suggestions and I've took them on,

and they've actually worked for me.

Uh,

the one thing that did

resonate in me,

it was

So you're not going to drink for the rest of your life?

And I suppose that's a

big if a big thing for anybody to try and take on. But I thought

It's not like that. It's just for today,

you know, I just wanna have a drink for today, and it's really helped me. I

try and focus on things now and be more grateful for what's going on around me.

And, uh,

just silly, silly little things I've come.

I've got a warm house, You know, I've had a really cold winter, and I'm safe,

and I'm warm.

And I'm grateful for that.

It's just the little things in life that I appreciate now, now

and and

just

Sorry, Uh, just for the last sort of question.

Um,

what are you looking forward to in the future when things start to

lifting off a bit?

Well, I I do watch the news, and, uh,

I can't believe how well we can all I don't. I think the government's done a great job.

And the NHS they've done a fantastic job.

I don't know what I'm gonna My future. I don't know what the future holds for me

because I'm just gonna take it one day at a time.

I've got to do a big skylight,

try and go too far ahead. You know,

I just want to live in the day and keep it in the day, because that's

I know,

I learned more about how my mind works by going to the A A

and talking to people.

Because I can't predict what I'm gonna do after this zoom meeting.

To tell you the truth, I don't know whether

I'm gonna go for make a cup of coffee. I'll go to the toilet, you know, or

or do some telly because we don't know what's going to happen in the future.

So I don't really predict ahead. I just, like, set my little girl for the day.

Yeah.

No, that's that's grateful if I can just, um I'm just aware of it, Unfortunately,

is a time, but thank you very much for your time. I do appreciate it.

Is that OK?

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Posted By

Author

Craig.Watson

Post date

10/03/2021