A Daughter’s Journey

Hi, my name's Bev. I live in Doncaster and I wanted to talk about my experience when my dad was diagnosed with cancer. We were always very close. I used to go and see him after work regularly, and we used to have fun, and he used to have lots of hobbies, uh, painting and all sorts

We used to discuss, we had loads of similar interests. We got on really well. And then he started er after a bit of stress, he started to look a bit not very well

His skin looked different, it was discolouring in parts, so I was very worried about him. And then one day he, he'd had an appointment for his blood as he was diabetic, and then they found out that my dad had got leukaemia. When he told me I had to make sure that I was being strong for him, but it, it really, really shocked me, but I was trying to act normal, so I didn't want to upset my dad

Uh, we were really worried about it because it's, it sent like a death sentence, but we went to a group that he joined. He got a key worker that worked with him, and when we joined the group for a visit, there was lots of other families and patients that was having treatment for leukaemia, and they said to us, when you get poor, he doesn't mean to say it's the end because you can coming out with new drugs all the time. And some of the people said they were fed by tubes and things, but then with some treatment they got better and they were walking about and everything and they weren't bedridden

So just because you get poorly doesn't mean to say that's the end, so we had more hope and it he was diagnosed quite early, so he did quite well really. Eventually he had treatment, chemotherapy. Which he responded to very well

The nurses were wonderful in there, looked after him, um, and then he uh was doing, doing quite well. Obviously he couldn't recover completely, but, and then he, he was still doing his little hobbies when he felt better and so he enjoyed that and then he got an infection because he had no immune system after his treatment. So he ended up with sepsis, so we nearly lost him, that was very frightening, we were very upset

Uh, went in, but the, the doctors were great and they got him recovered, um, and so he started to pick up again and it was brilliant. And then later on after blood tests and checks, he had to have some more chemotherapy. Which he responded to really well again

They were very pleased with him cause he was like 85 years old at the time. So he did really well, they were ever so pleased with how we were doing. Uh, but then later on he got um a leaking lung, so we had to have an operation for that, so that was very worrying cos he got poorly with no immune system again

Uh, but then he started to pick up after that treatment and he was doing all right. We were starting to get a bit tired, a bit irritable with all the treatment, we were feeling a bit exhausted. But he were pottering about still and then he started to have er marks on his face, and it turned out to be skin cancer, so he had an operation for that

Then he had er skin cancer on his head and he had that removed, and then he got it in his ear and he had an operation for that. And then it, it didn't succeed. This is going on quite a few years, over the years

And they were sent for radiotherapy, which you had to have every day, 5 days a week, which you found very exhausting. And by this time, he couldn't do the hobbies that he wanted to do and I could see that we were finding it difficult. I'm very exhausted

So, so that really upset me. But he kept going And we kept cheering each other up, um, but I could tell that because he couldn't do his hobbies, he couldn't work his fingers as well as he used to and things like that. So we were like getting really fed up, I think, fed up with everything

er but he kept going anyway, and then one day he got really poorly. Uh They'd got an infection, they went into hospital. And then I was supposed to be going on a school trip to London, which we already booked the next day and I didn't want to go and my dad says go, just go on your trip, just go on your trip, I'm fine, I'm fine

Then once I was my trip, my dad. Uh, I think the strain on his heart and everything got too much and he passed away, even though he was getting better. Well he felt like I'm getting better with my son and daughter-in-law with him, and he just passed away and I think that stress of the whole the years experience with everything and not being able to do what I wanted to do

I think he was relieved that I wasn't there cos you know, I think he kept going for me sometimes. And, and he just like that and that and he passed away sort of suddenly then, uh, so I was shot for quite a while. It hit me for a long time

Uh I couldn't come to terms with it for quite a while, and it had been a long, long journey. And then This last year my mum got diagnosed with bowel cancer. So that was another shock

She's been losing weight and not eating very well. She had lots of tests. Uh, then they did an operation to move part of the bowel and

They were gonna do keyhole surgery, but her heart was racing too rapidly, so they had to do the full operation. Which went well. The surgeon said she was very pleased with how it went

Uh, she had 22 staples on the outside and all the stitches inside, so it did. knock her off her feet for quite a while. Uh, and she don't like being stuck in at all cos she's very energetic

And then, um, as she was getting better, they were doing more tests but they said they'd not caught it all. And she could have more treatment, chemotherapy like my dad, but they said she only had 10% chance of success, and my mum being the person she is and very lively, didn't want to go down that road. She didn't want to be poorly for months and then it might not work anyway

So she just wants to keep going, she's doing well, she's still not eating a great deal, but she looks well in her face and she still keeps trying to get out and about, er, and live life to the best that she can. She enjoys shopping and things like that, so that keeps her going. But it's been quite a drain for the last few years and one thing and another

But I am pleased with the treatment that they've had. um I understand why my mum won't. Have chemotherapy

I'm a bit upset but at first, but when they said 10% chance, I understand that's not her personality. She wants to be out and about, lively, doing things, so I think it'd be too much for her. She wouldn't like to be stuck in, uh, not being able to move about and feeling tired and things

So I think for her it was the right decision, so she's just gonna keep going and do the best she can for as long as she can. And she's doing quite well really. Because she's now 85, so yeah, she's she's a young 85

So we're just taking things as they come each day by day. But we've had good experiences, I think the group helped with my dad. When we were going through her treatment, uh, we weren't aware of any groups that she could join at the time, but I think when my dad went, uh, the group for the people with leukaemia, that was very helpful to us as a family because we knew it wasn't the end of the line, he had time, lots more time

Um, and it was good to join other people and ask questions, things like that. He had his own key worker, so he had someone to go to if he wanted to, although he's very private, so he didn't like to talk a lot, but it was helpful for me, his family as well. Uh, I think other families support each other with it, uh, but there weren't such a group for me with uh bowel cancer

Um, so I, I felt a bit like she was a bit lost. Uh, but she did get help from other charities. The people gave names of charities that she could

Uh, have to come and help her with the recovery from the bowel operation. She didn't have to wear a bag, she was lucky in that respect, cos that's one of the things she were really worried about. Uh Um, but she didn't like not being able to get up and do things herself

She found it really difficult to rest. Uh We tried to tell her to ease off, just take it steady bit by bit and sometimes she used to do a bit too much, expect too much from her own body. So that were a bit of a worry

uh, but when people came in, they fetched her equipment that could help, um, a sit down chair for a shower so she didn't have to stand up and a little trolley and things to help her as she were recovering. So that was good. There were quite a lot of things early days in place for her

But even now she doesn't like waiting and waiting about, so she's up and off and round town and things shopping. She really enjoys her little shopping trips. She doesn't get a lot, she just gets little bits and she's got a little trolley that she pulls with a few things, so she hasn't got to carry anything

Uh, put you up staying. Uh, but she's just keeping going, really, and, uh, I'm quite proud of her the way she keeps fighting, and I think she does it too much sometimes, but it's, it's just what makes her happy, so keep going on like that. But I don't think there was much help for the er type of cancer and roar as there was for the leukaemia

Um, the only, my mum didn't tell me much about things, but I could see that she was losing weight and she weren't eating much. But I don't know if there were any other symptoms that she didn't tell me. I know she got backache and things, I don't know if that was to do with the condition that she'd got

So she just keeps going..