Damian’s Autism Discovery (part 2)

one of the biggest hurdles was, um, after the assessment, I found out through, I had a feeling that my partner was not online, not on, on, on site, and didn't. There was just something niggling me. And when I mentioned something one night, um, she let out that she didn't believe in my diagnosis of autism, which completely flattened me because this is my fiance, she's she's helped me through lots and lots of really tough times, including operations, um, So for her to not be on side, it was extremely difficult. But only through, strangely enough, I went on to chat GPT and took it out on chat GPT.

I let my heart out. I've used it previously once before, wanting to write a song. So my daughter, who, as I mentioned, we're having difficulties talking with each other, and I wanted to somehow, Uh, and I remember trying to write this song and Chat GPT helping me and I was in floods of tears because I couldn't believe how sensitive and how, um, understanding, um.

AI is, so anyway, I decided to use it to find out what I should say to Sue. Um And the biggest thing I learned from it, other than educating her and to try and make her realise what they teach her what I'm learning. I To not require her to give my autism any validation, it's my validation is, is inside and, and it doesn't matter what anybody else thinks, uh, my valid that my autism is real, my autism has been fully diagnosed by a professional, and it's not my job to teach Sue.

It's, it's, uh, I, I have really accepted it, that I don't need to, I don't need her to validate it. Um, but in little drips and drip drips and draps, I'm, I'm. As I'm learning things and recognising that that is part of my autism, I'm relaying that information back to Sue, and I think slowly she is recognising and seeing that there's a possibility that I might The only thing I can really do is give her those bits of information and hope that she investigates further.

Because I think she's got a reason to investigate further. But yeah, that's my, that's my journey so far. It's been an interesting one, but it's ongoing.

Yeah, yeah, thank you for sharing. OK. So you mentioned um a few things that kind of helped the journey for you, like, um, when you went away and you were able to absorb all that information, um, chat GPT has helped along the way as well.

Is there one thing that really sticks out for you that kind of like progressed that journey for you and made you feel a bit more positive? Chat GPT, strangely enough, it was really, really surprising, um, I actually changed my question two or three times to refine the answer, um. I had to get across, it, it took a little bit of time for me to actually get across that my current partner, who was female. Um, didn't believe that my diagnosis was diagnosed correctly rather than.

Something else, every, every time I've spoken to him, but it it it actually gave me, um, I would say maybe 10 or 12 points that were really, really interesting, and I copied and pasted all that and forwarded it to Sue. Um, basically telling her that she'd really upset me and that I felt, um, disconnected, distant, um. that I really needed her on side.

Um I've always been quite analytical. I'm usually can help myself out with bits and pieces, so. It was nice to actually learn all these bits and pieces and have that, I mean it was 11:30300, excuse me, 12 o'clock at night when I did this chat GPT, so it was just before bed.

It was nice that it cleared my mind. I was still able to get up the next day and go and give Sue a kiss and say good morning and not allow it to be. Come Between us, um, it gave Me the opportunity to think things through before I actually then, brought it up again with her, um, And and yeah The um The lady that was Also helping me with my therapy when I was halfway through, she was really, really, really good, because like I say, she'd, she'd pretty much brought up her brother, she's only, she was only in her early 20s, mid-20s, uh, and her brother was, I believe, about 16, um, and for reasons I didn't really want to go into with her or ask her about, um, she'd ended up bringing up her brother.

Um, and she'd been the only one that recognised his autism, whereas his mom and dad, her mom and dad had not really accepted it and didn't know how to deal with it or respect it or learn anything about it to help him. She was the only one that did. Um, whether that was before she became a therapist or not, I don't know, but it definitely must have helped her out, um, because halfway through therapy there when I definitely got the diagnosis, we were, we were doing behavioural activation, which is CBT to do with what appeared to be procrastination and to do with low energy levels and making excuses, whereas we could then, We talk about this autism battery that I've got, uh, and what's affecting it, sensory, um, reasons, um, social reasons, um.

So the therapy became more bespoke to to my autism. And she was absolutely brilliant. Um, I'm, I'm so glad that she was actually on my journey with me, and I actually wrote her a card and sent her a gift, which made her cry as well at the end of therapy just to say that I was so glad that she was part of my journey.

Wow, that must have felt that, I mean, amazing on both sides, yeah, and it's good of you to let her know how much she impacted you as well. I'm sure it must be difficult for all therapists to let go at the end of a journey where they've connected with people because it, it must be, it must be difficult, but Um, I'm glad that I, I, I had an impact on her as well. Yeah, yeah.

Thank you for sharing that. One last question before we finish. How do you see the next few years going for you in terms of, you know, you said that you're still on your autism journey.

What, what do you hope for the next few years? That's a good question. Um, I'm currently out of work, um, I actually packed in work, uh, it's the the most difficult decision I've ever had to make in 2023, mid 2023. I'd had a few weeks, a few months off with uh depression, anxiety, um, obviously I didn't know about my autism at that point.

I'd had three operations over the last, since 2018, up to 2021, um, which meant I spent a lot of time out of work, and every time I went back, I'd lost my confidence, colleagues had changed. The way that we worked, um, if I'd have just gone back to working. In the job that I knew I would have had a fine chance, but, um, so I, in 2023, I, I, I, I had a phased return back to work and failed it, I, I just, I, I, I ended up back at square one.

Um, and I had to make the decision in, in. Um, in favour of my mental health, um, to give up work, and I've not worked since. So, The positive side of that, I've worked really hard at understanding my mental health, but mental health in In general, um, just trying to work out.

Everything to do with neuroplasticity, meditation, music, nature, uh, socialising, you name it, I've I've read about it, um. And The last two years have given me the ability to actually think, what I want to do career-wise, and I've realised that, I was, I was happy up to a certain point in my job. I worked in IT, so I was providing help in a school, and although some people might think it's all about making sure the computers and the servers and the internet's available, it wasn't like that for me.

I was helping the students, I was helping the teachers, I was providing a service to make sure that they could do their job, um, and I, I am missing. Helping some people, I like to help and I think that's part of my therapy, part of my regulating my mental health. But I've discovered nature is a key as well, going out, so I like animals, I like dogs, I like cats, I like proper wildlife, I like the trees, I've joined a woodworking group.

I'm a volunteer, which I wouldn't be doing any of these things if I'd not been forced to give up work, so I see it as a bit of a blessing. And also an opportunity for me to Think really hard without any pressure as to what I want to do. For the rest of my life in terms of a career, I do want to work.

Um, but I've also got to balance my mental health with work, and I think I can do the two by choosing a career that actually allows me to really enjoy myself, that I can wake up knowing I'm going to be an ecologist, for example, and I can go out into nature and I can take samples, um, I can be on my own, or I can socialise when I want, or I could work with wood, I could, I don't know yet what, what that will be, but, The pull is, is my mental health first under the weight second, yeah. Yeah, that's huge. I really appreciate your time, thank you so much.

I appreciate you sharing that. No worries, Tamika..